Wednesday, December 19, 2007

"The Hills Have Guys" was tits!

If you haven't seen it yet, SEE IT!!!! It was a sheer rollercoaster ride. At first, I found myself in a pool of thrills, splashing around like a giddy little schoolboy. Then, not 15 minutes into the film, I was whisked away to a land of magic and wonder, twirling 'round and 'round, soaking in the aura of warm, comforting fantasy! The director, Michael Knight Shamalon, kept me spinning in this realm of wonders for an hour before he said, "No! You're not staying here you naughty, NAUGHTY boy!" and immediately twisted my dream-like state into a waterbed of erotic, silky ooze that raped all 10 of my sensory receptors. And just as my rag-doll-like structure was laid down as gently as a handkerchief in the calming winds of a storm's wake, Mr. Shamalon picked me up and said "It's okay.... I know how you feel," as he bent me over a knee and spanked my backside with a mindmelding twist that eased its way slowly into tranquil resolve. I snapped out of it minutes after the credits and Stevan had to help me out of my seat and through the theatre doors....brilliant.

-Julian

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you know, i really don't care for Michael Knight Shamalon's movies. It always seems like he's trying too hard to nail his audience deep in the membrane and surprise them with a last minute flip; he suddenly goes somewhere that you don't think he'll go. but to me, it's very contrived. i always know where he's going to go with it. i think the best analogy is that his movies are like baby formula -- safe, sweet and predictable -- just like suckling a teet to get mandroid milk. I mean sometimes his initial ideas are interesting, but he bungs it up by repeatedly inserting his own bad taste. the end result is sort of a predictably boring "mind-bender" that leaves you wishing someone like Clit Beastwood had directed it. But it doesn't surprise me that you liked it Julian, because you're controlled by your emotion sensor and not by your reason chip. If you don't mind me saying, I think you need to work on that a little. I mean it's not a big deal, but sometimes I think you behave like a titillated raw nerve ending run amok, whereas a classy chassy would reel it in a little earlier and show a little backside bone in certain situations.